Do you hear that, Doug? I’m coming to London.
Avi (Dennis Farina), “Snatch” (2000)

Nora and I have hit London. One of my clients is playing the Royal Albert Hall and the O2 this week, so I have headed to London to cover the events.

This is a brief rundown of the events…

* Wake up super early on Monday morning. Rush to L.A.X. Get to L.A.X. with 3.5 hours to go before my flight. Check-in doesn’t even open for an hour. Bad sign.

* To ensure that I am passed out cold for the entire flight, I take a double dose of Nyquil. I take the Nyquil 90 minutes before the boarding time. All is fine.

* See Tommy Chong ordering a pastry. Cool.

* Flight is slightly delayed (30 minutes). I force myself to stay awake, and as such, ruin the effects of the Nyquil. I am groggy for 10.5+ hours of flying. I never sleep.

* Baby crying in my lovely (read: smaller than half of me) coach seating area cries for 3/4 of the flight. F***!

* Due to stomach issues (well documented in previous posts), I could not eat on the flight. Also did not eat before the flight, or on the trip from Heathrow to the hotel.

* To save money, I take the Underground, in the rain, to the hotel. 45 minutes of train + rain + lugging luggage up long flights of steps = exhaustion. Remember - still haven’t slept or had food yet.

* Get to hotel (which I will not name). Go through four rooms before I finally get one that is usable. Seriously - check these issues out (the following spans approximately three hours or waiting and ruarounds):

** 110V outlets are not hooked up. Literally! There’s a faceplate for the plug, but no inner working to actually plug into! Fourth room it finally works!

** Front Desk clerk failed to mention that the room key enabled the lights.

** Heater fuse was blown in room #1.

** Internet Ethernet cable (hello? wi-fi!) was missing in room #1. Sent up a replacement cord. Did not work. Sent up another, finally worked.

** Toilets take over 10 flushes before they “flush”. Redefines “floater”!

** Sink in room #3 did not drain.

** Bedsheets in first three rooms have mystery stains (multiple colors).

** Towel in room #3 had what appeared to be smeared blood on the white towel. The clean towel!

I am now sitting here, checking my email, drinking a complimentary Coke (front desk sent up a pitcher with eight mini-bottles) and finally having my second meal of the day (literally just inhaled a 20pc Chicken McNuggets with Fries, and am still starving). Hell, the last meal I had (and last time I slept) was Sunday night. I went about 35 hours without eating or sleeping.

It’s rainy. It’s been difficult to get settled. I’ve gone through a lot. But - who cares. I am in London, I get to see (and shoot) two bound-to-be-great shows, and I have two full days of “not working”.

Bet I end up getting jet lag, and sleeping through my days off.